“From the Crusades to the Battle of Lepanto to the cleansing of Kosovo, Christians and Muslims have been spilling blood between our people for more than a thousand years,” said Iranian Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani during a recent joint interview with U.S. catholic politician Rick Santorum. “But after a millennia of violence, followers of both religions have started to realize that our faiths are not as different as once assumed. We actually have much in common – from our weird rules about sex to our strange obsession with Israel.”
The bombing, which left three abortion clinic employees injured, marked the first time in nearly 1,300 years that the independent organizations have worked together to commit an act of religious violence.
“In many ways, Christianity and Islam are more alike than different,” added Santorum. “In several instances – condoms, women’s rights, homosexuality, the subtle push toward unification of church and state – hardline Christians have much more in common with fundamentalist Islam than with the godless heathens of liberal democracy. This bombing marks a new effort to combine the power of our two religions in order to impose our overlapping religious ideals upon the frightened masses.”–Drew Miller